painted blind
by inversed ballerina
Summary: she wonders why she never saw it. -kyoko, sayaka.-


_warning: spoilers for the finale._

* * *

><p>Kyoko finally becomes friends with Sayaka, just in time for Sayaka to die.<p>

It makes her want to laugh and it makes her want to cry and it makes her want to slit her wrists, all at the same time.

Irony.

-x-

Fighting Demons is what they do as Puella Magi, her and Mami and Homura. It's a job and she does it as well as she can, but she can't help but remember that it will eventually kill her. She knows that it's on their minds too, but it's something they never talk about, as if keeping it quiet will make it disappear.

The three of them get along as well as could be expected, she supposes. They make a good team, at the very least, and with the three of them, there's very rarely any trouble with the Demons they encounter. She alternates between staying with Mami and staying with Homura, and she supposes eventually she might try and get a job and a place of her own, but for now she's okay with the way things are.

Mami is sweet and friendly and loving and makes desserts that are a gift from heaven, but Kyoko knows full well that Mami has her own scars, in the form of a car crash and dead parents and Kyubey coming just in time. Still, they get along well.

At times she doesn't know what to make of Homura, who is smart and stubborn and practical and rather quiet and honestly just a bit weird. She whispers to herself sometimes, and once or twice Kyoko catches the name Madoka in there, along with something about witches. Their conversation can be somewhat stilted at times, but all in all, she's not the worst person Kyoko's ever met.

And she just misses Sayaka.

-x-

Some nights she doesn't stay with Mami or Homura; instead, she wanders the empty streets all night, eating a pilfered apple and thinking about her family or Demons or Sayaka.

On one of these nights, she turns a corner and nearly bumps into a boy and a girl holding hands and laughing. They both pull up short.

"I'm sorry," the boy says.

Kyoko opens her mouth to say something, then stops as she gets a better look at the boy. He has light brown hair and gentle eyes and looks extremely familiar. She narrows her eyes. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

The boy blinks. "Um…" He glances at the girl next to him. "I don't think so…"

"You look kind of familiar to me too," the girl says, squinting at Kyoko. She has long hair that flows back over her shoulders. "Hmmm…Oh! Weren't you at Sayaka-chan's…" She trails off uncertainly on the last word, and "funeral" hangs in the air.

_Sayaka?_

The breath blows out of Kyoko, and all of a sudden she knows exactly who these people are.

Before she can stop herself, she smacks Kyosuke across the face as hard as she can.

Hitomi screams, and Kyosuke holds his cheek in shock, breathing heavily. A young man at a nearby phone booth looks over, startled and concerned.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kyoko demands in a low voice. "Do you have any idea what you did?"

Not wanting to hear the answer, she turns around and runs.

The next night, while sleeping on Mami's couch, she has a dream about meeting Sayaka on a rainy street, and she shakes Sayaka by the shoulders and tries to talk to her but Sayaka just stares her down with accusing eyes.

-x-

On a night at Homura's house, she turns and says, "Can I ask you something?"

Homura nods. "Sure."

"Do you ever miss her?"

Homura's eyes narrow slightly. "You mean Miki-san?"

"No. I mean that girl you're always talking about. Madoka."

Homura flinches.

"I'm sorry." Kyoko looks away, biting her lip. "Just forget it."

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Look, I just…" Kyoko reaches into her pocket and pulls out a stick of gum. "You talk about her. Sometimes. I figured she was a friend of yours. Really, forget I said anything."

Homura is quiet for so long that Kyoko is about to give up and go to sleep, when finally she hears a whisper.

"I miss her every day."

And Kyoko quietly curses that ability Homura has of summing things up so well with just a few words.

-x-

She wants to know why Kyosuke Kamijo didn't see what he had while he had it.

She wants to know why she herself didn't see what she had either.

-x-

So in the end, it's like this: She keeps on living, and sometimes she thinks of Sayaka and sometimes she tries not to, but either way, she's always there.

Every now and then, she wonders why she still has hope. She risks her life fighting Demons every day, and she has her own set of scars hidden behind the surface; while she wouldn't count herself anywhere near an optimist, she should probably be a bit more cynical than she acts.

Then she thinks of a girl. An overly idealistic girl with a bright smile and the overwhelming desire to help others.

And she wants to punch a wall. And she also wants to break down in tears.

* * *

><p><em>as previously mentioned, i badly needed to write someone other than mami. and since everyone in the world seems to love kyoko x sayaka, i thought i might as well jump on the bandwagon. (myself, i pretty much like pairing all the girls together in random arrangements because i'm weird that way.)<em>


End file.
